STAR Framework: Guide to handling difficult conversations with employees

Difficult conversations at work – whether it’s about performance, behaviour, or sensitive issues – are often dreaded by managers.

It’s natural to feel apprehensive, but avoiding these discussions only leads to bigger problems down the line.

74% of employers do not offer their line managers any training on how to handle redundancies, underscoring a significant gap in preparing managers for challenging conversations. 

Here’s how you can support your managers with a framework that works.

Why having a framework helps

Many managers struggle with difficult conversations because they don’t know where to start or how to structure them.

Having a framework provides a clear guide, ensuring the discussion stays productive and fair.

There are plenty of models out there, but we love STAR for its simplicity and focus on real outcomes.

The STAR Framework – Keeping conversations focused

STAR is widely known as an interview technique, but it also works brilliantly for structuring difficult conversations.

Here’s how to apply it:

• Situation: Clearly explain the issue with specific facts. Avoid generalisations.

• Task: Outline what was expected and where the gap is.

• Action: Discuss what happened, what the employee did (or didn’t do), and how it impacted the team or business.

• Result: Explain the consequences and agree on next steps to move forward.

Example in action:

Instead of saying: “You’ve been late a lot recently. It’s becoming a problem.”

Try structuring it with STAR:

• Situation: “I’ve noticed that over the past two weeks, you’ve arrived late on five occasions.”
• Task: “Your role requires you to be here on time so that customer queries are handled efficiently.”
• Action: “When you’re late, the morning workload falls onto your colleagues, creating additional pressure.”
• Result: “I’d like to understand if there’s a reason behind this pattern, and we need to agree on how to ensure punctuality going forward.”

This method keeps the conversation fact-based, constructive, and solution-focused.

The power of active listening

A key skill in handling difficult conversations effectively is active listening.

Many managers focus so much on what they need to say that they forget to truly listen to the employee’s perspective.

Active listening ensures that the conversation is a two-way process, making the employee feel heard and valued.

What is active listening?

Active listening goes beyond simply hearing words – it involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said.

This builds trust and encourages open dialogue, helping to resolve issues more effectively – and reduces defensiveness and encourages a collaborative approach to problem-solving.

A win-win for both managers and employees.

How to practice active listening

• Give full attention
  Minimise distractions, maintain eye contact, and show engagement through nodding or verbal affirmations.

• Don’t interrupt
  Allow the employee to finish their thoughts before responding.

• Paraphrase and summarise
  Repeat key points in your own words to confirm understanding.
  For example: “So what I’m hearing is that you’re struggling with your workload due to tight deadlines?”

• Ask open-ended questions
  Encourage discussion by asking questions like “Can you tell me more about that?” instead of yes/no queries.

• Observe body language
  Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice and facial expressions, which often reveal more than words alone.

• Respond thoughtfully
  Avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, acknowledge their concerns and work together on a resolution.

Bonus tips for handling difficult conversations effectively

• Prepare but stay flexible
  Know the key points you need to cover but allow room for discussion.

• Pick the right time and place
  Avoid public settings or high-pressure moments.

• Stay calm and objective
  Stick to facts rather than emotions.

• Always follow-up
  Document the discussion and check in on progress to ensure agreed actions are followed through.

Leadership training at Ashfield HR

Difficult conversations are a critical part of management, but you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

At Ashfield HR, we provide training on handling difficult conversations, active listening, and leadership skills.

Some of their training is even free – you can sign up to their mailing list to access helpful resources and stay updated, or get in touch via info@ashfieldhr.co.uk

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